For What It's Worth
by EmmalinaD
Summary: Part two of Kenzi's Breakdown. Kenzi has been recovering from her Eating Disorder for a year. She and Tamsin are still in a relationship and Tamsin has just asked Kenzi to move in. What will happen now? Will Kenzi continue to recover or will she relapse? Will Tamsin and Kenzi remain in a relationship?
1. Moving In

_This is a sequel to Kenzi's Breakdown and follows Tamsin and Kenzi as they continue their relationship. Will they continue to be in love? Will Kenzi continue her recovery from her eating disorder or will she relapse?_

Kenzi ran up the stairs to Tamsin's apartment, hoping she had time to get everything together before Tamsin came home. She was trying to surprise Tamsin by making her dinner. It was their 1 year Anniversary of being together and Kenzi wanted to do something nice for Tamsin. She placed the bags of groceries that she was carrying on the kitchen counter and began pulling stuff out. She opened up a cooking app on her phone and began pulling up the recipes that she was planning to make. She was planning to make a mandarin and grilled chicken salad with homemade croutons. Kenzi had become much more interested in cooking, starting when she had been in recovery for her eating disorder. She found that it was something to keep her mind occupied and she felt better about eating if she knew what she was putting into her body. She had become quite the chef and Tamsin, Bo, and Lauren had been more than willing to be her taste testers. They were all 4 spending a lot more time together and took turns making dinner for each other every night, something that brought them all much closer. Tonight was a little different, but only because it was Kenzi and Tamsin's 1 year Anniversary. Bo and Lauren had agreed that it would be a good idea to let the two women have the night alone.

Kenzi had been waiting for this night for months. Tamsin has asked her a few months ago to consider moving in with her but Kenzi had told her she needed to think about it. At first she had been a little hesitant to move in before she liked living with Bo, even if it meant she didn't get to sleep with Tamsin every night. But after she'd had time to think about it she realized that she did feel lonely when Tamsin wasn't staying over or she wasn't staying at Tamsin's, so she had decided to accept Tamsin's offer. She definitely intended to have sleepovers at Bo's place often and of course since she worked with Bo on cases pretty much on a daily basis, she would still see her during the day.

Tamsin had taken up a job recently hunting some Fae down so she spent 3-4 days of her week away from Kenzi. Both Kenzi and Tamsin hated being away from each other so often but tonight it was to Kenzi's advantage because it made it easier for her to prepare the surprise dinner for Tamsin. Kenzi was just pulling a tray of homemade croutons out of the oven, when she heard Tamsin walking through the door.

"I'm going to kill him if I ever get my hands on him!" Tamsin yelled, slamming the door behind her.

Kenzi startled when she heard Tamsin yelling. She had been just about to set the pan of croutons on the counter but had jumped at Tamsin's shouting and before she knew it, the entire pan of croutons slipped out of her hands, falling to the floor.

Tamsin walked into the kitchen, still yelling.

"That stupid asshole thinks he knows everything! He made me lose the person I was hunting because HE had to do things HIS way!" Tamsin said. After walking into the kitchen she had slammed open the refrigerator door, grabbing the container of juice, then slamming the door shut again. It wasn't until she had closed the refrigerator door that she looked over at Kenzi and realized she was down on the floor picking something up.

"Everything okay, Kenzi?" Tamsin asked, her voice softening.

"The croutons...their ruined!" Kenzi exclaimed, nearly in tears.

"What happened? Is there anything I can do?" Tamsin said, coming closer to her small girlfriend.

"I don't know! I spilled the entire tray. I must have gotten startled when you...came in," Kenzi said, not really wanting to blame Tamsin.

"I'm sorry, Kenz. I shouldn't have walked in here shouting. Do you want me to help you re-do them?" Tamsin asked.

"No, its okay. The rest of the stuff is already done. I think there's a package of croutons in the pantry. They won't be homemade but...they will work," Kenzi said.

She had wanted everything to be perfect and now it was ruined. She realized she couldn't blame Tamsin either, because she should have been paying more attention when she took the pan out of the oven. She was just about to start going off on herself when Tamsin came back from the pantry and stood behind Kenzi, putting an arm around her girlfriends waist. She dangled a package of croutons from one of her hands, then set it on the counter.

"It's okay, love, I can see that your beating yourself up about this. But don't worry, if it makes you feel better, i'd rather just have you for dinner," Tamsin said.

Kenzi smiled, loving how naughty Tamsin could be and how much better she always made her feel.

"Your so naughty. But you sure know how to make a girl feel better. And...at least I didn't ruin dessert," Kenzi said.

"I thought you were dessert," Tamsin said, pulling Kenzi closer to herself.

"Wow, you're on a roll tonight, aren't you?" Kenzi said, letting Tamsin hold her close.

10 minutes later Kenzi had the table set and the plates filled with the chicken salads. Both of them sat down and began to eat dinner. After a few minutes, Kenzi set down her fork and looked up at Tamsin.

"Everything okay, Kenz?" Tamsin asked.

"Oh, its just that...well, I have something to tell you," Kenzi said.

"Yes?"

"I thought about what you said, about having me move in with you. And I think i'd really like that," Kenzi said.

"Really? You just made my night so much better, Kenzi!" Tamsin said, not able to take her eyes off of Kenzi. She had waited for a long time for Kenzi to say 'yes'.

"I've had some time to think about it and I realized that I hate when we have to be away from each other during the day, so why should we also have to be away from each other at night or any other time?" Kenzi said.

"I think I just fell in love with you all over again, Kenzi. You seriously rock!" Tamsin said, unable to keep her hands off of Kenzi any longer. She sprung out of her chair and picked Kenzi up in her arms, startling the small human.

"What are you doing, Tamsin?" Kenzi laughed, loving every minute of it. Tamsin leaned in and passionately kissed Kenzi before setting her back in the chair she'd been sitting in.

"Sorry, Kenz, I'm just a little excited, if you didn't notice. But, I heard you say dessert earlier, so I think i'd like to try whatever you made tonight," Tamsin said.

"Sure thing, Tamsin. I'll just go grab it. Be right back," Kenzi said, clearly their dinner plates and bringing them to the sink before opening the refrigerator and pulling out a couple of pudding parfaits she had made. She carried them back to the table and set one in front of each of them.

"Wow, this looks awesome, Kenzi," Tamsin said.

"Thanks. I thought pistachio pudding with roasted pistachios on top sounded like a nice dessert to try tonight. And of course you can't forget the whipped cream," Kenzi said, proud of herself for making another tasty item.

"Your such a good cook, Kenzi. I don't know what i'd do if you weren't around to make food for me. I'd probably starve or end up eating cardboard pizza every night," Tamsin said.

"Ah, its nothing," Kenzi said, shrugging her shoulders, but feeling incredibly proud of herself. She had wanted tonight to be perfect and even if it wasn't completely perfect, she would take it.

Kenzi took a bite of her parfait, ready to savor the flavor of pistachios, one of her favorite nuts. She was surprised when she was suddenly hit with an intense feeling of fear and anxiety. Suddenly she heard Inari's voice in her head, telling her that she was fat and disgusting. She tried to push it away, tried to remind herself that she had almost died from not eating a year ago. She managed to calm herself down without alerting Tamsin, but realized she couldn't take another bite of the dessert. She was too scared that the feeling would return. But if she didn't eat it Tamsin would likely realize something was up with her. She had to find a way to keep this from Tamsin and yet another part of her told her that she should tell Tamsin what she was feeling, knowing her girlfriend would be able to help her through it. She wanted to give in and tell her but something held her back. Suddenly she knew exactly what she had to do. She got up out of her chair and started a slow sexual walk/dance over to Tamsin.

Kenzi caught Tamsin's eyes almost immediately. She didn't know why Kenzi was sexily walking towards her but she didn't care. She wanted the small human so bad, she could barely stay in her seat, but she did anyway, not wanting to take her eyes off her girlfriend.

"Hmmmm, what have we here?" Tamsin asked.

Kenzi walked closer to Tamsin until she was right next to her then snaked an arm around Tamsin's neck and sat down on her lap, slowly dancing her legs across Tamsin as she sat down. Kenzi whispered something in Tamsin's ear and Tamsin smiled even bigger, then unable to resist her girlfriend any longer, wrapped her arms around Kenzi's waist and began to kiss her girlfriend. After a few kisses Tamsin couldn't stand sitting in the chair any longer and quickly picked Kenzi up into her arms and hurried off to the bedroom with her, ready for a night alone with her gorgeous girlfriend.


	2. Denial

Kenzi had ended up staying over at Tamsin's that night and both of them had enjoyed the rest of their evening together. However, she had lain awake hours after Tamsin had fallen asleep. She had tried to push the feeling she'd had earlier to the back of her mind. She felt guilty for not telling Tamsin what had happened and even guiltier for the motivation behind her sexy act, to get out of eating her dessert. She could have just told Tamsin she was too full to eat the dessert or something.

It had been a year since Kenzi had gone through recovery and she was pretty sure that Tamsin trusted her to continue eating even when she wasn't around. During her year of recovery there had been times when Tamsin, Bo, and Lauren had let Kenzi be unsupervised at meals as a way to help her feel confident that she wouldn't slip into her eating disordered ways again, even when she was alone. Kenzi had continued to gain weight and after, maintain a safe weight so they began to trust that she really was able to handle being alone for hours or even a days at a time. Tamsin no longer felt like she had to urge Kenzi to eat more when they were together and if Kenzi hadn't wanted dessert, Tamsin wouldn't have forced her or asked if she was sure. So why had Kenzi decided to hide the feeling she'd gotten or just said she didn't want dessert? Kenzi realized it was because she had heard Inari's voice whispering in her head and a small part of her had wanted Inari's voice to come back, because she had desired to have that control over what she ate or didn't eat again. Kenzi wasn't sure what to do now. She didn't want to stop eating again and distance herself like she had a year ago, but she couldn't stop thinking about how much weight she really had gained and how she missed exercising for hours on end. She scolded herself for thinking those things and decided to try and get some sleep again. She snuggled closer to Tamsin, loving the warmth of her girlfriends body next to her and fell asleep quickly.

The next morning Kenzi slept in a bit. When she woke, she realized that Tamsin wasn't in bed with her. For a second she wondered if maybe her girlfriend had changed her mind about wanting her to move in. Then she heard the door creak open and saw Tamsin walk in with something in her hands.

"Good morning, sleepy head. I wasn't sure you were going to wake up anytime soon," Tamsin said, walking towards Kenzi's bed with a tray of food.

Kenzi quickly realized that Tamsin had brought her breakfast. She loved Tamsin so much at that moment, just for the fact that she had thought of Kenzi.

"Sorry, I had a hard time sleeping. Must have been too wound up from all those "games" we played," Kenzi said, winking at Tamsin.

"Mmm, that was so much fun!" Tamsin said, memories of their fun night coming back, "Oh, before I forget, I decided to bring you breakfast in bed. This time it was my turn to cook for you. And since I know that you know how bad of a cook I am, well... I kinda cheated a little. I ordered some food from across the street. Apparently they deliver breakfast now."

"I was wondering how your cooking skills could have gotten so good overnight," Kenzi said, winking at Tamsin.

"I am a Valkyrie with many skills..." Tamsin said jokingly, as she set the tray of food onto a TV table.

"Honestly, I have a feeling you aren't that bad of a cook. Maybe you just sell yourself short. If you ever want to learn...I'd be happy to teach you," Kenzi said.

"Hmmm, I'll keep that in mind. Although I kind of like the idea of you being the one to cook. You seem to be really into it and I love trying all the new things you make," Tamsin said, sitting down next to Kenzi and beginning to open up the food containers. Tamsin had gotten omelette's with ham and cheese, hash browns, and a couple of pumpkin spiced lattes. Tamsin passed Kenzi a tray with a plate of food and her coffee on it.

"Thanks for this, Tamsin. You really know how to make me feel special," Kenzi said, smiling up at her girlfriend.

"You deserve it, Kenzi. You mean the world to me," Tamsin said.

Kenzi couldn't imagine life without Tamsin. She really did feel complete having Tamsin in her life. As she continued thinking about Tamsin, she found herself cutting up her omelette and starting to eat it, without giving much thought to it. Maybe the feeling from the night before really had just been a passing thing. She had been told that she might have times where she felt the urge to not eat, or had doubts about whether or not she looked good enough. She didn't want to let it bring her down again. She was too happy with her life the way it was.

After breakfast, Kenzi got up to take a shower and get ready for the day. It was a Saturday so she and Tamsin had planned on getting some of Kenzi's things moved over to Tamsin's place then maybe catching a movie and dinner with Bo and Lauren. Tamsin had insisted that Kenzi take a break from cooking after she had looked so stressed out the night before with the crouton incident, and swore that she would make sure Kenzi didn't have to cook the entire day. Moving Kenzi didn't take very long and by 4pm they were back at Tamsin's and Kenzi began unpacking a few boxes while Tamsin checked out what movies were playing that evening.

"Babe? Do you like scary movies?" Tamsin asked, leaning back in her computer chair to get a look at Kenzi from around the door frame.

"Scary movies? Oh yeah! I think I've seen every Chucky movie they've ever put out and don't even get me started on anything by Quentin Tarantino," Kenzi said.

"Good! Because I was just about to ask you what your favorite scary movie was?" Tamsin said, trying to be funny. She was also a big fan of scary movies. She leaned back a little further in the chair, wondering if Kenzi was going to answer, when she felt herself topple backwards onto the floor. She gave a little shriek of surprise as she landed on her back.

"Tamsin? Are you ok?" Kenzi asked, rushing out of the bedroom and into the room Tamsin had made into a little office. She found Tamsin on the floor, looking slightly humiliated.

"Did you just fall out of your chair?" Kenzi asked, feeling a bit amused but not wanting to hurt Tamsin's feelings.

"No, I totally meant to land here," Tamsin joked.

Kenzi put her hands on her hips, faking a stern look at Tamsin before walking over to her girlfriend and holding out a hand. Tamsin took her hand but instead of letting Kenzi pull her up she pulled Kenzi down onto the floor with her, until she was on top of Tamsin.

Kenzi gave a little shriek of surprise, realizing she should have seen what Tamsin had been up to.

"Feeling a little frisky lately, are we?" Kenzi asked, but loving every minute of it.

"Always, babe, always," Tamsin answered, before passionately kissing her girlfriend. They both stayed on the floor making out for several minutes before they realized that it was nearly 5 and they both still needed to get ready after a day of moving boxes and furniture.

"You can shower first if you want to, Kenz. I'm going to see if I can find a movie that looks good. I'm kind of torn between a couple and wanted to check the times again," Tamsin said.

"Sweet! Thanks, Tamsin," Kenzi said, walking over to the closet to grab some clothes for that night that she had hung up just a little bit ago. She realized just how nice it was to pull clothes out of the closet instead of having to dig through a suitcase to look for something to wear. She spotted what she was looking for and carried it into the bathroom with her. She set the clothes down on a chair in the corner and began to undress. She had just managed to get all of her clothing off when she looked up and found herself face to face with a full length mirror that was attached to the bathroom door. Kenzi was about to turn away, not wanting to look at her reflection when she realized she wanted to check herself out. She took a good look at herself before started to critique every inch of her body. She quickly noticed that she had gained some weight in her stomach and that she didn't like that it stuck out a little. She pinched the fat on it, not coming up with much skin, though it didn't matter to Kenzi, because she was already upset with herself for having looked in the mirror. She picked out every flaw she could think of and began to calculate how much weight she would need to lose in order to be at a size she was happy with. She had gone back up to the size of clothing that she had been in for several years after she had been recovering for a few months, but in the back of her mind she was thinking about the size she had gone down to while she had been working out. She didn't think about the fact that she had needed to start shopping in the little girls' section of the store when she'd been at her lowest weight, because she was so thin. She only thought about the fact that she had been smaller then than she was now and she began to long to be that size again. Without realizing what was happening, Kenzi began making out a work out plan along with thinking about how much weight she wanted to lose and decided that she would begin to cut calories starting that night at dinner. And of course Bo, Tamsin, and Lauren always had popcorn when they went to the movies so she would be faced with that as well. She could always pretend to eat some and drop it on the floor underneath her, hoping that no one would notice it there. Then at dinner she figured she had all sorts of tricks that she could use to make it look like she was eating more than she was. She didn't realize that she was slipping back into the mindset of her past eating disorder. The only thing she could think about was how good she was going to look when she was done losing weight.

Kenzi finally made it into the shower and while she was in there her mind began to wander to Tamsin and what her girlfriend must think of her body. Tamsin had never commented about Kenzi's weight in any way but Kenzi began to think that maybe Tamsin would like her even more if she lost a little weight. She decided that she was doing this for Tamsin and tried to justify that she was only trying to look better for her girlfriend and that she would stop once she got to her desired weight.

Tamsin had continued searching for a movie to see that evening and had narrowed it down to two choices, both of which were playing within 10 minutes of each other and would be in the time frame they were looking for. Kenzi walked out of the bathroom 30 minutes later completely dressed with fresh makeup and her hair done. She walked into the office where Tamsin was, letting her girlfriend know she was in the room so as not to startle her. Tamsin swung around in her computer chair to face Kenzi and nearly toppled out of the chair again at the sight of her girlfriend. Kenzi was standing in front of her wearing a long sleeved red and black top that showed her cleavage well, a short leather skirt, fishnet stockings, and of course her usual long styled boots. She looked amazing in the outfit.

Tamsin whistled and said, "Kenzi, you look incredibly sexy in that outfit! Perhaps we should sit in the back of the theatre tonight...alone," Tamsin joked.

"Aww, thanks Tamsin. I think this is one of my favorite outfits," Kenzi said, smiling at Tamsin, but wondering if Tamsin really did think she looked good or if she was just saying that.

Tamsin saw a hint of doubt in Kenzi's eyes and wondered what she was thinking about. She didn't want Kenzi to feel like she wasn't good enough for Tamsin, ever, but she didn't think she should bring it up right now. She hoped that Kenzi never returned to her eating disorder again but a small part of Tamsin knew that it was definitely a possibility. For now, she would just hope for the best and keep showering her girlfriend with the love and attention she deserved.

Tamsin and Kenzi arrived at the movie theatre a little while later after having talked to Bo and Lauren about which movie to see. They had all agreed upon one and went in together to purchase tickets and of course snacks. Kenzi offered to grab the tickets for everyone while the others hit up the snack bar. She had no desire to smell the delicious popcorn that she was trying so hard not to eat. She was actually hoping that she would be hit with a wave of nausea again so she wouldn't be tempted to eat any of the popcorn. The four soon had their tickets and snacks and walked down the hallway to the theatre the movie was in. They got situated and the movie began. Kenzi was thankfully sitting next to Tamsin on one side and an empty bunch of seats on the other. This would make it much easier to drop the popcorn on the floor instead of eating it. Kenzi managed to do really well during the movie with the popcorn and the only issue was that she missed parts of the movie because she was so busy trying to drop popcorn on the floor while Tamsin wasn't looking. Soon the movie was over and Kenzi wanted to sigh with relief. She hated having to hide the fact that she wasn't eating. She definitely didn't miss having to be distracted by that part.

After the movie the four of them headed to dinner. They had picked out a little diner that they all liked going to. It was right next to the movie theatre so they just walked over. Tamsin had her arm linked with Kenzi's. Kenzi was a million miles away as she thought about what to order. She knew that if she ordered too little she would raise suspicions from Tamsin and her friends but if she decided to order something high in calories she might be too tempted to eat more of it than she wanted to. She was actually pretty hungry after not having any popcorn. It had been damn near torture for her to sit in the theatre with popcorn in front of her and not put any in her mouth.

"Kenzi?" Tamsin asked.

"Yeah?" Kenzi asked, nearly startling.

"Where were you? You looked like you were far away there for a few minutes. I was asking you what you were going to order and you didn't answer," Tamsin asked, feeling a little concerned.

"Sorry, Tamsin. I guess i'm just tired from all the moving this morning. I'm not sure what to get yet. What about you?" Kenzi asked.

"Maybe you'll feel better after you eat something. I think i'm going to have a bacon cheeseburger with sweet potato fries. I haven't had a burger in awhile," Tamsin said.

"That sounds good. I think I might try the fish or something," Kenzi said, wondering if Tamsin had seen her dropping the popcorn on the floor or if she just thought eating would help Kenzi feel more energized.

"Good choice. They have really good fish here," Tamsin said.

The four women had reached the diner now and walked inside, finding a booth to sit in. Kenzi was not particularly thrilled that they were sitting in a booth, especially since Tamsin motioned for Kenzi to slide in first, meaning she was pretty much trapped and couldn't quickly make an excuse if she needed to run to the bathroom and get rid of her food or something. She tried to remain calm, hoping that it wouldn't be noticeable that she wasn't planning to eat a whole lot.

"That movie was pretty bad ass," Tamsin said, hoping she could pull Kenzi out of whatever funk she was in. She knew something was up with her girlfriend but she didn't know what it was.

"Yeah, it was. You gotta love how the main character in some scary movies pretends that they think its a good idea to go downstairs alone when they hear a noise. I guess they always think they can be the "hero" if they go alone. I wanna scream at them to stop and go get someone else to come with them or, you know, maybe call the police if they think someone is in the house? Come on already!" Kenzi said, glad to have something to think about other than what she was/wasn't going to eat.

"If I ever hear a noise in our apartment, Kenzi, i'm just going to hide under the covers, okay? You can call the police for us, but don't you dare go out of the bedroom alone, okay?" Tamsin joked.

"I might just hide under the covers with you, Tamsin. Maybe we could pretend to be deep in a make out session and throw them off guard when they come into our room," Kenzi said.

"Why pretend to be making out?" Tamsin said, smiling at Kenzi. She was happy to see that Kenzi was back in the moment. She hated to see her girlfriend zoned out like that. It reminded her of last year when Kenzi had been deep into her eating disorder. She never wanted to see Kenzi like that again.

The waitress came a few minutes later and took their orders. Kenzi decided to go with grilled salmon with a brown rice blend and broccoli. The others all knew that Kenzi had become a bit health conscious after her eating disorder and liked to eat on the healthier side so she could only hope they wouldn't say too much about her healthier choice tonight. No one commented on what she ordered so Kenzi took that as a good sign. She hated feeling so paranoid, especially around her friends and girlfriend, but she wasn't taking any chances. Once she got to her goal weight she could stop losing weight again and everything would be so much better.


	3. Suspicions

Kenzi managed to make it through dinner, somehow. She ate as much as she could stomach then began pushing the food around on her plate to make it look like she was eating more. She made sure to talk a lot so that her friends wouldn't focus on what she wasn't eating. Finally dinner was over and they all began to walk back to their cars. Kenzi wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. She had gotten through a movie with the temptation of popcorn, resisted that, and had gotten through dinner without eating too much. She had decided to start her exercise routine the next morning at 5 am. She was going to have to be super quiet when she got out of bed and only hoped that Tamsin didn't notice she was gone. If mornings didn't work out, she could always exercise when Tamsin left for work. She always left at 10 am and Kenzi would usually head over to Bo's place as soon as Tamsin left, but she could always tell Bo she was going to be late. The only issue then would be coming up with an excuse as to why she was late and she wasn't sure how she was going to do that multiple times a week.

Kenzi managed to go two weeks with this plan. Tamsin appeared to be a bit of a heavy sleeper at 5 in the morning and didn't rouse when Kenzi got up to jog. At first Kenzi took advantage of that and jogged for 2 hours in the mornings but she soon realized that she wanted to jog more. She began to add another hour as soon as Tamsin left for work, telling Bo that she was pet sitting for a friend and needed to go take care of that before heading over to Bo's every day. As far as eating was going, Kenzi made sure that she cooked at every meal and tried to distract Tamsin or whoever she was eating with by keeping the conversation going. She vigilantly kept track of what she was eating and managed to stay around 900 calories a day.

The only hard part was trying to keep Tamsin from seeing her naked. She had managed to fake being too tired for several nights and after that had insisted that they should have the lights off whenever they were doing anything. Kenzi was a little surprised by how easy it was to keep everyone in the dark. She was beginning to look forward to each jogging session and seeing how little she could get away with eating. She had managed to drop down 3 sizes in 2 weeks and was ½ way to her goal. Then one day Kenzi decided to ramp it up a bit. She didn't feel happy with her drop in weight so far and decided that she was going to try skipping at least one meal every day. She found that skipping lunch was the easiest because she just told Bo that she had eaten before she came over. She was typically getting to Bo's house around 11:30, after pet sitting and just told Bo she'd gotten hungry and eaten before she came. Bo apparently was buying Kenzi's story.

The following Friday Kenzi walked into the kitchen to make coffee. Tamsin came in a few minutes later and walked up behind Kenzi, wrapping her arms around Kenzi's waist from behind her. Kenzi startled, then stiffened when she realized it was Tamsin. The only thing she could think about was whether or not Tamsin was going to notice that she had lost some weight.

"You okay, Kenz?" Tamsin asked, feeling Kenzi stiffen at her touch.

"Yeah, sorry, you just startled me," Kenzi said, trying to relax in Tamsin's arms.

Tamsin turned Kenzi around to face her, looking deep into her girlfriends eyes. Tamsin had intended to kiss Kenzi but stopped when she noticed a scared look in her eyes. She looked Kenzi's face over, trying to figure out what was wrong and noticed that Kenzi was a bit paler than usual.

"Are you sure your okay, babe?" Tamsin asked.

"Yeah, i'm fine, Tamsin," Kenzi said, softening her eyes and smiling at her girlfriend, hoping it would lessen the concern in Tamsin's eyes.

"If you say so," Tamsin said, smiling and kissing Kenzi softly on the lips.

A few minutes later the coffee was done and Kenzi brought two steaming cups of it to the table. She had also pulled a tray of muffins out of the oven and placed them on a plate. She brought that over as well and set it in the middle of the table before sitting down across from Tamsin. Tamsin eyed the muffins, noticing how good they looked and smelled.

"These muffins look really good, Kenzi. Chocolate chip banana?" Tamsin asked, taking one and looking it over to try and figure out the flavor.

"Yes, your favorite, right?" Kenzi asked.

"Mhmmm," Tamsin said, through a mouthful of muffin. She swallowed her bite then said, "You know me so well, Kenz."

Tamsin continued eating her muffin before looking back over at Kenzi. She noticed that her girlfriend hadn't touched the muffin on her plate yet.

"Are you going to try your own delicious muffins, Kenz?" Tamsin asked, trying to remain casual. She was a little concerned by the lost look in Kenzi's eyes, and by how pale she was. Was something going on with Kenzi that Tamsin hadn't noticed?

"Oh, yeah, I kind of forgot it was there. These do look good," Kenzi said, picking up her muffin and peeling off a tiny bite. She quickly placed a bite in her mouth, trying to act like nothing was going on. She immediately wanted to spit the bite out but made herself swallow it. It was much too sweet and the only thing she could think of was how much sugar it had in it and how it could potentially cause her to gain weight. She wanted to eat a small container of non-fat yogurt instead but didn't want Tamsin to say anything about her not wanting to eat the muffin. She knew that Tamsin was well aware of the signs of someone relapsing and she already had a feeling that Tamsin was suspicious of her behavior that morning, so she ate the muffin.

Tamsin was almost certain that something was going on with Kenzi. The fact that Kenzi had stiffened when Tamsin had touched her had made her think that maybe Kenzi hadn't wanted her to touch her or was scared of Tamsin touching her for some reason. She was also concerned about how pale Kenzi was that morning. She tried to look her girlfriend over without making it obvious that she was doing so. She was pretty sure she knew what was going on with Kenzi and she actually hoped that she was wrong. She had a feeling Kenzi was slipping back into her eating disorder and it scared the crap out of Tamsin. She kept wondering if maybe she was doing something to cause Kenzi to slip back into her eating disordered ways. She wanted to trust Kenzi but she couldn't ignore the signs that she was seeing, not if she didn't want to lose her girlfriend.

A few days passed and Tamsin ended up pushing her suspicions about Kenzi to the back of her mind as she was just about to break a case that she had been working on for awhile now. That afternoon Tamsin headed back to her apartment around 4 pm, feeling really awesome because she had finally managed to capture someone who she'd been tracking for awhile. She was feeling so great about solving the case that she had decided to surprise Kenzi by coming home early and offering to take her out to dinner. She wanted Kenzi to have a break from cooking for once and thought they could both use the night off to talk and relax. What she didn't expect was what she came home to find.

Kenzi woke up that morning and went straight to the bathroom to look at herself in the full length mirror. She had spent the past few days skipping at least one meal a day. She hoped that there would be a change. She took all of her clothing off and slowly brought her eyes back to the mirror to check herself out. She immediately began to critique herself. She started with her stomach. It was definitely smaller but she knew the rule she had to follow. She tried to pinch as much skin as she could between her fingers to see how well she was doing. Honestly, she didn't come up with very much skin at all. It was nearly taut flat against her stomach but she managed to pinch hard enough to pull a teeny tiny bit of skin and it was enough for her to tell herself that she wasn't at her goal yet. She looked down at her legs and she was actually pleased with how much fitter they looked, but before she could begin to praise herself she was hit with an intense wave of anxiety and she heard Inari's voice yelling at her.

"Do you actually think that you are good enough for Tamsin looking like THIS!? You have at least another 10 maybe 15 pounds to lose before you will look good enough for her! In fact, I think you should go the entire day without eating ANYTHING today! And don't you dare give in and eat even a morsel! Remember, you want to be good enough for Tamsin. That's all that matters right now," Inari's voice said.

Kenzi nearly toppled to the ground with how intense the anxiety had been when she had heard Inari's voice yelling at her. The voice had gotten louder and louder as the last three weeks had passed and Kenzi found herself scared by it but also drawn to it, wanting to do whatever she was told in the hopes that it would make her look better. She hurried out of the bathroom after quickly getting dressed and quietly ran out the door for her morning jog. She'd pushed herself extra hard that morning and had gotten back just in time to shower before Tamsin woke up. She was pleasantly surprised when Tamsin said she had to run out the door and couldn't eat breakfast with her that morning because of a break in a case. She hadn't had to try to pretend like she was going to eat that morning and lunch was easy as usual. She went on a case with Bo and tried to listen to what her best friend was saying but found herself zoning out a lot. She couldn't stop thinking about what had happened that morning. By 3:30 she was feeling exhausted but still motivated to not eat anything and decided to jog home. She managed to make it home but started feeling a little dizzy and out of energy as soon as she got to the apartment door. She decided to just sit outside the door for a few minutes, feeling completely exhausted and emotionally drained.

Tamsin rounded the last corner before she got to her apartment door and stopped in her tracks as soon as she saw Kenzi. Her girlfriend was sitting in front of the door, her head on her knees, staring off into space. She looked like she had just gotten back from a jog. Tamsin was concerned as soon as she saw Kenzi. She looked distant and out of it and once again she was very pale. Tamsin quickly realized that Kenzi looked smaller too. This was exactly what Tamsin had feared. She knew she had to say something now and it wasn't going to be easy. She slowly approached Kenzi, not wanting to startle her. She knelt down in front of her girlfriend and placed a hand on her cheek.

Kenzi didn't realized that Tamsin was home until she felt a soft hand on her cheek. Tamsin slowly lifted Kenzi's chin until she was forced to look into her girlfriends concerned eyes.

"Hey love, what's going on?" Tamsin asked, her soft concerned eyes searching Kenzi's for an idea of why her girlfriend looked so sad and lost. She wished that she could read Kenzi's thoughts as it looked like a million different things were going through the young girls mind.

"I'm good. Just have a lot on my mind is all. I decided to run home from Bo's and I guess maybe I ran a little too hard. I think I might have twisted my ankle or something," Kenzi said, choosing her words carefully, as to not raise Tamsin's suspicions any higher. She could almost tell exactly what Tamsin was thinking and hoped that she was wrong.

"Let's get you inside, babe, and get some ice on that ankle," Tamsin said, standing up and reaching a hand out to Kenzi, offering to help her up.

Kenzi realized that if she was going to say she had twisted her ankle she was going to have to pretend like that's exactly what had happened. So she carefully took Tamsin's hand and let her girlfriend slowly pull her to a standing position. Kenzi made sure to not put too much weight on her right ankle to make it appear that she had twisted it. Tamsin placed an arm around Kenzi's waist and helped her inside the apartment. They had just stopped in front of the couch when Kenzi was hit by an intense wave of dizziness. Not realizing it, she began to lean against Tamsin.

Tamsin felt Kenzi lean against her and realized that Kenzi appeared to be dizzy. She was already not buying the twisted ankle story but had wanted to let Kenzi continue pretending at least until she had gotten her inside and on the couch.

"Kenzi, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think i'm good. I just got a little dizzy," Kenzi said, then realized what she had just said. She knew that Tamsin was probably going to start questioning her now.

Tamsin helped Kenzi sit down on the couch before kneeling down in front of her tiny girlfriend.

"Kenzi, did you eat today?" Tamsin asked, hating herself for having to ask, but knowing it was time to find out if Kenzi was really doing what she thought she was again.

Kenzi shrugged her shoulders and tried to give Tamsin one of her innocent smiles, hoping she wouldn't really have to answer that question.

"Kenz, I'm going to ask you one more time. Did you eat today?" Tamsin asked, more stern this time, hoping Kenzi would realize she was indeed very concerned about her.

Kenzi looked down at her lap, not wanting to do this right now. She needed more time to get to her goal and she wasn't going to be able to if she admitted to what she was really doing. And yet, she hated herself for falling back into the trap of not eating again. She knew it was dangerous and she wanted to pretend that she didn't care how dangerous it was.

"No," Kenzi said softly, still not looking at Tamsin. She didn't want to see the concern in Tamsin's eyes because she knew she would break down and confess everything to Tamsin if she did.

Tamsin surprised Kenzi by not saying anything else to her but instead sitting down next to Kenzi and wrapping her arms around her small girlfriend and holding her tightly. Kenzi wanted to break down in tears, she wanted to tell Tamsin everything that had happened in the last three weeks and she wanted her girlfriend to hold her in her arms and not let go of her for a long time. But something held her back.

Instead Kenzi decided to lie to her girlfriend...again.

"I'm fine, Tamsin, really. I wasn't hungry this morning and then at lunch time I got so busy taking care of the animals I was pet sitting for that I forgot to eat. I didn't even realize I hadn't eaten until I got home from Bo's. And then I twisted my ankle and it really hurt so I just decided to sit down in front of the door for a few minutes before coming inside. I was totally going to eat something after I iced my ankle.

Tamsin had let go of Kenzi by this point and looked into Kenzi's eyes, hoping she could tell whether or not her girlfriend was telling her the truth. She was pretty sure Kenzi was lying. She knew exactly how Anorexics worked. She decided she knew exactly how to handle the situation and find out if Kenzi really was lying to her.

"Then let me take you to dinner, Kenzi. I solved a case today and I was actually coming home early to see if you wanted to go out to dinner with me tonight, to celebrate," Tamsin said.

"Oh wow, i'm so glad you solved the case. But, I'm not sure I should go out with my ankle hurting so much. Maybe Bo and Lauren would want to go out with you instead?" Kenzi asked, realizing she probably should have tried a different angle. She knew Tamsin was going to insist that she eat, especially in front of her. She could tell her girlfriend thought she might be lying.

"There's no way I'm going out to dinner without you, Kenzi. If your ankle is hurting too much we could just order in instead. Or I could make something. I don't want you to have to cook if you can barely walk without limping," Tamsin said.

Kenzi knew there was no way she was going to get out of eating now, yet she felt like she had to try.

"I'm not really hungry, actually. In fact, i'm kind of tired. I think I might just go to bed, see if rest will help my ankle feel better," Kenzi said.

"Kenz, you haven't eaten anything at all today and you got dizzy a few minutes ago. You have to eat something. Your body is trying to tell you that you need to," Tamsin said, hoping she could convince Kenzi without having to force the issue. She began to wonder how long it had been since Kenzi ate very much and if she had been secretly exercising as well. She hadn't seen Kenzi without clothes in awhile now and she wished she knew just how much weight her girlfriend had lost.

Kenzi was beginning to realize that she wasn't fooling Tamsin and she didn't want to tell her girlfriend what she was doing but she also didn't want to eat that day.

"I'll get you anything you want, Kenzi. Just name it and i'll make it or find it for you," Tamsin said, practically begging at this point. If Kenzi wouldn't eat she would have no choice but to call both Bo and Lauren, right then. They had all agreed that if any of them noticed Kenzi's eating disorder coming back that they would contact the others immediately.

"I have something to tell you, Tamsin," Kenzi said. It was time to tell.


	4. Confession

_I apologize for taking so long to get this update out! Things have been kind of crazy. I hope to be able to write more often now that things have settled down a little. Happy Reading!_

Tamsin settled herself into the couch, trying to prepare herself for whatever Kenzi was about to tell her.

"I haven't been eating. It started a couple weeks ago and its just continued to get worse. Ive also...been exercising...a lot. I didn't want to tell you because I...well, because I didn't want you to know I was trying to lose weight again. That I had relapsed. I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you, I thought you'd be mad and me, and...well...I don't want to stop...," Kenzi said.

"Oh, Kenzi, I'm so glad you told me. I'm not mad at you, babe. Relapse is something that can happen, and likely will, so you don't have to be upset. You can get through this. I'm going to help you, but you have to let me, Kenzi," Tamsin said. She was glad that Kenzi had admitted that she'd been starving herself again. It wasn't what she'd wanted to hear, but admitting that she had a problem was definitely a good step in the right direction.

"I'm glad your not mad at me. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was having a difficult time, again. I was scared," Kenzi said.

"It's okay, babe. We're going to get you through this, okay? Now, you know what I have to ask you to do. You have to eat something. When was the last time you ate?" Tamsin asked, dreading having to force Kenzi to eat.

"I ate...yesterday. But Tamsin, please, don't make me eat anything," Kenzi pleaded. She hadn't liked herself for lying to Tamsin, but part of her wished she could still keep it from her. She still wanted to lose more weight and she wasn't ready to give up that desire to lose more. She certainly didn't want to eat after hearing what Inari had said that morning. But how was she going to get out of eating now? Kenzi didn't realize just how hard she was falling back into her eating disordered ways.

"Kenzi, I don't have a choice, sweetie. You can't lose too much weight...again. And you obviously have to be careful, since you...nearly died last year. I know you don't want to be reminded about that," Tamsin said.

"Yeah, I know," Kenzi said.

"So what will it be? Do you want to go out? Order something? Want me to make something? I just need you to promise me that you will eat something tonight," Tamsin said, "And keep it down."

"Can you pick for me? I don't think I can make food decisions right now," Kenzi said, really dreading even the thought of having to choose something to eat. She wanted to forget food existed, or at least that it didn't have to go into her own body.

"Sure, sweetie. I think i'll order some takeout from the chinese place down the street. They have soup too, maybe you can manage some soup? And some steamed veggies and chicken?" Tamsin asked, hoping that if she mentioned healthier things they would be easier for Kenzi to handle.

"Um, yeah, that's fine," Kenzi said.

Tamsin ordered the food and it arrived fairly quickly. Kenzi got some plates down from the cabinets and set the table while Tamsin got the food ready. They both sat down soon after and Kenzi was staring down at a plate of food. She didn't want to do this right now and she kinda hated herself for having said something to Tamsin, but she knew deep down that she needed to eat. Tamsin had gotten sweet and sour soup, which used to be one of Kenzi's favorties

so she decided to start with that. Plus it was not solid food, which was always much easier.

Tamsin watched Kenzi closely but tried to be discreet. She didn't want her to think she couldn't trust her, but at the same time, she knew that Kenzi might try to pull out her tricks if she didn't pay attention. She hated seeing Kenzi like this again but there was absolutely no way she would give up on her.

Kenzi slowly ate the soup and managed half of it before deciding to try the chicken and vegetables. It took her a half hour just to get through ¼ of it. Tamsin sat patiently while Kenzi slowly ate, trying to be supportive. Finally Kenzi couldn't eat anymore and she slowly put her fork down.

"I don't think I can eat anymore," Kenzi said.

"You sure, babe? I know that took you a really long time, but...you didn't eat very much," Tamsin said, really not liking to have to push her tiny girlfriend but knowing if she didn't that she would continue to go down a dangerous path, again. She doubted that Kenzi had been eating very much, especially when Tamsin wasn't around.

"I can't. I already feel so full," Kenzi said, pain evident in her eyes. She was terrified of the little bit of food she had eaten and Tamsin could tell.

Tamsin decides to try something to see if it will help distract Kenzi from the food she's just eaten.

"Kenz, why don't you sit here while I clean up and then we go hang out on the couch for a bit. Maybe watch a movie or something," Tamsin said, knowing she couldn't let Kenzi out of her sight just yet.

Kenzi knew Tamsin wasn't going to let her leave her sight for at least an hour, but she had been hoping that she might leave her alone even for a minute or two so she could sneak off and get rid of the food. She really was slipping further and further back into her eating disorder.

Tamsin quickly cleaned off the table and put everything away, watching Kenzi out of the corner of her eye. She had a feeling that she couldn't trust Kenzi right now, she was too eager to keep herself from eating and keeping food down. It wasn't until Tamsin was putting the rest of the food into the fridge that Kenzi realized she might have a chance to run and throw up. She knew Tamsin would obviously know where she was going but if she could just get to the bathroom, lock the door, and throw up, she'd be just fine. She could even apologize to Tamsin after, or at least that's what she kept telling herself. Kenzi got up quickly, trying not to make any noise and then began to run out of the kitchen. She was taken completely by surprise when she felt Tamsin's arms wrap around her from the side. She looked up at Tamsin in shock, not having expected her girlfriend to see her.

It took Kenzi a few seconds before she was able to react to having been grabbed by her girlfriend. When she was finally able to speak, there was evident panic in her voice.

"Tamsin, what are you doing?"

"Kenz, you know what i'm doing. I'm stopping you from doing what we both know you were trying to do. I won't let you get rid of the food you just ate. You need it in your body right now," Tamsin said.

"I never should have said anything. I never should have told you I was...I can't do this, Tamsin. I can't do this. Just let me go!" Kenzi said.

Tamsin turned Kenzi around until she was facing her, keeping her arms wrapped around her tiny girlfriends waist.

"Kenzi, I know how hard that must have been for you to tell me, sweetie. That's why I can't let you go right now. Part of you wants help and if I let you do what your wanting to do right now, your never going to be able to get past that point and your gonna get worse."

"Tamsin I don't know if I can fight this...again. I'm not strong enough."

"Then I will fight for you, Kenz. Let me help you fight this," Tamsin said, loosening her hold on Kenzi's waist and taking her by the arm, she leads her to the couch. Tamsin sits down and pulls Kenzi into her lap, holding her tiny girlfriend close as tears begin to fall from Kenzi's eyes.

Kenzi has to admit that she feels much better being in Tamsin's arms. She's exhausted from fighting so hard and feels her eyelids beginning to close as she snuggles in closer to Tamsin's chest, letting her body relax. She's asleep within minutes.

Tamsin was happy to see that Kenzi felt so comfortable in her arms. She was really worried about her girlfriend. She couldn't deal with Kenzi getting bad like she had before. She wouldn't let her get to that point if she could avoid it. She knew what she had to do and it wasn't going to be easy but she had made a promise before that she would do it if Kenzi ever relapsed. She had to tell Bo and Lauren.


	5. Ultimatum

_Sorry its taken me so long to write this chapter. Things got a little crazy but I finally finished it. I hope you all like it!_

Kenzi woke up the next morning in bed. She must have fallen asleep on the couch. She could only guess that Tamsin had carried her to bed. She rolled over and saw her girlfriend next to her. Oh crap, she thought, I didn't get up in time to exercise. The sun was shining through the window so she knew it had to be at least 7 am. She also wondered why Tamsin wasn't up yet. She began to hope that Tamsin had just overslept and was going to wake up any minute and realize she was late. She really hoped she wasn't planning to stay home with her.

A few minutes later Kenzi saw Tamsin's eyes flutter open. She looked over at Kenzi and smiled.

"Hi Babe. How are you feeling this morning?" Tamsin asked, as she reached over to wrap her girlfriend in her arms.

"Just fine," Kenzi said, softening as Tamsin touched her.

"Your probably wondering why I'm still here this morning? I'm taking a few days off work since I broke the case. And I wanted to spend some time with my girl," Tamsin said.

Kenzi didn't know what to do now. Tamsin seemed almost mad at her which scared Kenzi because the last thing she wanted was to make Tamsin mad at her. That's not why she was doing this. In fact she didn't want to hurt Tamsin at all, she just wanted to be thin. She looked forward to the high she got from exercising too much or going as long as she could without eating. Deep down she knew what she was doing was a bad idea but when she was in the moment it was like all the warnings went away and she felt too good to care. Somedays she actually wished that she could just be left alone to do as she pleased, no matter how harmful those things might be.

Tamsin knew she couldn't leave Kenzi home alone after what had happened the night before. She also didn't want to scare Kenzi or make her think she had to run so she was trying to be casual and keep the fact that she was going to tell Lauren and Bo to herself. She had called Bo the night before when Kenzi was sound asleep in bed and asked if she and Lauren could come over and have lunch the next day. She subtly let Bo know that the invitation had to do with Kenzi's health, without actually coming out and telling Bo that. Tamsin knew as soon as she mentioned Kenzi's health that Bo was likely to pick up on what she was talking about. Bo had agreed to come over with Lauren the next day for lunch and had prepped Lauren as well who was going to bring some medical equipment to look over Kenzi, if she would allow it.

Kenzi was trying to pretend that nothing was wrong, again. She knew it probably wouldn't work but she had to try.

"Tamsin, you didn't have to stay home just for me. Remember, the weekend is coming up soon and we can spend time then. Plus I have to go help Bo today, in fact i'm running late," Kenzi said, starting to get out of bed.

Tamsin grabbed Kenzi's arm gently, before she could stand up, forcing her to turn around and look at her girlfriend.

"Kenz, I'm taking the day off, end of discussion. And don't worry about going to help Bo, I've invited her and Lauren to come hang out with us today for lunch. Its been forever since us girls got together.

"Oh, um, yeah okay. I guess it has been awhile. You know what, I think i'm just going to go for a run real quick before getting ready. I need to burn off some energy," Kenzi said, really hoping Tamsin wouldn't argue with her working out.

"Kenzi, I really don't think that's a good idea. Don't you remember last..." But Tamsin didn't get to finish her sentence because Kenzi, realizing her girlfriend was probably about to tell her she couldn't exercise, rushed out of the room, pulling on a pair of jogging pants as she walked and grabbing her hoodie. She was out the door before Tamsin could say anything else. Tamsin debated going after her but decided to let her go this time. She was going to be watching her much more closely though.

Kenzi's feet hit the pavement and she began to run as fast as she could as soon as she got out of the apartment. She always felt so free when she ran. She knew Tamsin was probably going to get mad at her for running out the door but she didn't care at that moment. She just wanted to run until she couldn't run anymore. She ran for 45 minutes, doubling back to the apartment. She slowed her breathing before walking in.

Tamsin was in the kitchen making something. Kenzi walked straight to the shower to get cleaned up before letting Tamsin see her. After her shower she glanced in the mirror, noticing that her stomach looked a little flatter. This was why she couldn't stop what she was doing and "just eat". She had to keep going but how was she going to convince Tamsin of that. She quickly got dressed and did her hair and makeup before going into the kitchen to find Tamsin.

"Hey Tamsin. What are you up to?" Kenzi asked, sheepishly, hoping her girlfriend wasn't mad at her.

"Hey Kenz. Just making us some breakfast. Did you have a good run?" Tamsin asked, not showing if she was upset with Kenzi or not.

"Yeah, it was...good."

"That's good. So why don't you sit down, i've made you a lovely breakfast. An omelette that i'm hoping turned out, some toast, and some fruit."

"Thanks, Tamsin, it looks great," Kenzi said, touched that her girlfriend had gone to such trouble to cook for her. She never cooked.

"Anything for you, Kenz," Tamsin said, smiling at her girlfriend before turning away to grab something. Truthfully she wondered if Kenzi was even going to eat the food she'd made. She was trying so hard not to make a big deal out of this but in truth she knew it was a big deal. She just had to convince Kenzi of that and make sure she knew that she wasn't going to let her go without eating.

Kenzi picked up her fork and began to cut up the omelette to keep her hands busy. Tamsin sat across from her, trying not to watch her girlfriends eating habits.

Kenzi took 5 minutes just cutting up the eggs, then tore pieces of toast up before she finally put a small piece of omelette in her mouth. She took a very long time to chew it. She made a big deal of moving the food around on her plate a lot but didn't eat more than a few bites of everything. When she decided she was done, she stood up and looked at Tamsin.

"I can do the dishes if you want me to," Kenzi said.

"Thanks, Kenz, that would be great," Tamsin said, deciding not to comment on how little her girlfriend had eaten.

After doing the dishes Kenzi walked over to Tamsin who was still sitting at the table, watching her girlfriend.

"Thank you for breakfast, it was really good," Kenzi said, smiling and taking her girlfriends hand. Tamsin stood up and pulled Kenzi to her.

"Anytime, babe. I think I might be getting used to this cooking thing. Maybe I can lend you a hand every now and then."

"Just be careful you don't get too good, Tamsin. I can't have you becoming a better chef than me," Kenzi said jokingly.

"You will always be the better cook, babe, trust me," Tamsin said, kissing her girlfriend on the head.

"If you say so," Kenzi joked, "So when are Lauren and Bo coming over?"

"I told them to come around noon," Tamsin said.

"Okay, sounds good. I think I might go do some laundry before they get here," Kenzi said.

Tamsin realized right away that she was going to have to make an excuse to go with Kenzi because the washer and dryer were right in the bathroom.

"I have some laundry to do too, is it okay if we do it together?" Tamsin asked.

"Oh, um sure," Kenzi said. She had been thinking about getting rid of her breakfast but was pretty sure that was going to be impossible with Tamsin around. Luckily she hadn't eaten very much so her stomach wasn't feeling too full. Kenzi decided to fill a water bottle with ice water and drink it while she worked. She knew it would make her feel fuller so she wouldn't eat too much at lunch.

Tamsin watched Kenzi as she filled her water bottle up, realizing she was probably trying to make herself feel fuller so she'd eat less at lunch. She decided not to comment and walked after Kenzi as she made her way to the bedroom to grab the dirty laundry basket. The two quietly started some laundry and Tamsin got a magazine and sat in a chair in the bathroom while the laundry was washing so that Kenzi wouldn't even be able to attempt to make herself sick. Kenzi joined her, sitting on the floor next to the sink playing on her phone and sipping her water every few minutes.

An hour later they were done with most of the laundry and Tamsin decided it was probably safe for her to stop watching Kenzi. Kenzi had become bored from sitting in the bathroom anyway so she followed Tamsin out of the bathroom.

"What should we make for lunch, Kenz?" Tamsin asked, heading to the kitchen.

"Um, maybe we could make chicken salad sandwiches? I have a really good recipe that has nuts and stuff in it. I can also make a salad and I could whip up something for dessert as well if you'd like," Kenzi said, hoping she could keep busy by making the food, even if she didn't intend to eat very much of it at all.

"That sounds great. Do you need any help?"

"Actually, I think you should go relax and let me make it since you made breakfast," Kenzi said.

"Your so sweet, Kenz. It would give me a chance to catch up on some work related stuff in my office. You can call me if you need me though, okay?"

"Okay, sounds good. Chef Kenzi shall prepare a gourmet lunch now," Kenzi said, smiling.

"Gourmet huh? I think i'll keep you around Chef Kenzi," Tamsin said, kissing her girlfriend before heading to her office.

Kenzi always felt great whenever she was making food for someone. She got to work and within minutes was relaxed and humming to herself as she started making lunch.

An hour later the doorbell rang and Tamsin yelled out that she would get it. Kenzi was just putting the finishing touches on lunch.

Tamsin opened the door to welcome Lauren and Bo.

"Hey girls. How are you? Please, come in," Tamsin said, hugging them both then ushering them in.

"Mmmm, it smells like Kenzi is cooking today?" Bo asked.

"Yes, she is. She insisted," Tamsin said.

"Well it smells lovely," Bo said, walking into the kitchen to see Kenzi.

"Hey Kenz, I see you are making lunch for us today. I know whatever you've made is going to be great. I love your cooking," Bo said.

Kenzi turned around from where she'd been standing and greeted Bo with a hug.

"I'm so glad your here, Bo. I think we all needed some girl time," Kenzi said.

"I think your right. Can I help you with anything?" Bo asked.

"Um, lets see, could you set the table for me? I just need to take the desserts out of the oven and then everything will be ready for us to eat," Kenzi said.

"Sure thing, girl," Bo said.

Lauren had stayed in the living room to talk to Tamsin. In hushed tones she asked how Kenzi was doing and if she had eaten yet that day. Tamsin told her she had eaten a little bit of breakfast and had insisted on jogging first thing that morning, but that she seemed in a peppy mood and didn't act like she wasn't feeling well. She also told her how Kenzi had drank a ton of water after breakfast, probably so she wouldn't be too hungry for lunch.

A few minutes later Kenzi called the other two into the kitchen and they all sat down to eat.

"This looks lovely, Kenzi. You really know how to cook," Lauren commented.

"Thanks, its one of my favorite things to do. Especially when I get to cook for other people," Kenzi said, as she passed the chicken salad around. She took a very tiny bit when it was her turn and decided not to have it on bread. She took a good amount of salad and put a small dab of balsamic vinaigrette on it. Then the hard part began. She had to make it look like she was actually eating some of her food.

The girls make light conversation as they ate lunch. Kenzi also trying to focus on eating very little. After about 20 minutes she sprang up out of her chair and said she was going to grab dessert for everyone. She had made mini pudding pies with whipped topping. She passed them around on dessert plates then sat back down. She did not give one to herself. There's no way she was going to eat something with sugar and carbs. She made a big deal of pushing the food she hadn't eaten around on her plate some more, pretending she wasn't done yet. No one commented on the fact that she hadn't taken any dessert.

Bo couldn't stop looking over at Kenzi. She really was thinner and she could tell she wasn't eating properly just by watching her push the food around on her plate. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed Kenzi getting thinner when she was over at her house helping her out. Of course Kenzi had done a pretty good job of wearing long clothing and lots of makeup to hide the fact she was losing weight.

Kenzi felt herself being watched and decided to start the dishes.

"Are you girls finished? I can take your plates if you are. I'm just going to do up the dishes."

"Kenzi you should let us do the dishes. After all you are the one that cooked for us," Bo said.

"It's no big deal. I can handle it. Won't take me but a few minutes," Kenzi said, feeling panic rise in her. She needed to be in control and doing the dishes would give her a chance to get up and move around instead of staying still after having eaten. She was feeling quite full after all that water she had drank earlier. So much so that the little amount of food she had eaten on top of the water was making her feel too full. She really wished she could run off to the bathroom and throw up but she knew it was too risky. Instead she finished the dishes before deciding she had no choice but to make up an excuse so she could get rid of the food.

"Um, Tamsin, I'll be right back. I really need to use the bathroom," Kenzi said, hoping her girlfriend would just let her go without a fuss.

"Kenz...I'm not sure that's such a good idea since we've just eaten..."

"What are you talking about? Its not like i'm a toddler. I can use the big girl potty by myself," Kenzi said, a little upset that Tamsin had let on that Kenzi might be about to go make herself sick.

"Kenz, can you just wait for a bit?"

"No, actually, I can't. I really need to go," Kenzi said, crossing her legs to appear like she actually was desperate.

"Well, how about I go with you then? Just to monitor you," Tamsin said.

"Look, I am more than capable of using the bathroom with assistant, so if you don't mind..." Kenzi said, trying to step past Tamsin.

Tamsin wasn't having this. She knew what Kenzi was up to. And if she really did need to pee she could let Tamsin go in with her. There's no way she was letting her get rid of the little food she'd eaten. Tamsin stepped in front of Kenzi, refusing to let her pass.

"No, I won't let you do this to yourself, Kenzi. If you really need to pee I'll go with you but you can't go alone right now and you know it," Tamsin said.

"What the hell, Tamsin? I can do this by myself," Kenzi said, beginning to get angry at Tamsin.

"Not this time you can't. I won't let you make yourself sick."

"Why can't you just leave me alone? I can do what I want! I don't need you hounding me," Kenzi said, getting even angrier.

"You want me to let you keep hurting yourself? Well no, I won't. I won't sit by and watch you get sick again. I won't watch you kill yourself like this, Kenzi," Tamsin said, standing her ground.

"Kenz, we all just want what's best for you. You getting sick again is not going to help you. You've already almost died once. We can't let you get that bad again," Bo said.

"I'm not doing this right now," Kenzi said, trying again to push past Tamsin and head for the front door.

Tamsin grabbed her around the waist this time, refusing to let her leave.

"What are you doing? Let go of me! I ate, you saw me. I'm doing just fine without your help," Kenzi pleaded.

"No, your not find, Kenzi. I saw how little you ate today. You can stay alive on that little food," Tamsin said.

Kenzi began to struggle in Tamsin's arms.

"Let me go right now! You are not in charge of me, Tamsin! You don't get to tell me what I can and cannot do! Just leave me alone!"

Kenzi was shocked when Tamsin let her go.

"Fine, Kenzi, if this is what you want, you go ahead and leave. Don't bother coming back here, because I'm done with you. I won't stand by and watch you kill yourself anymore," Tamsin said, not wanting to fight with Kenzi anymore.

Kenzi took the opportunity and ran to grab a few things which she stuffed in her bag and then headed for the door.

"Kenzi wait, please don't leave. You can come stay with me. But don't leave," Bo said.

"I'm sorry Bo, I can't be any of you right now. I love you, Bo-Bo," Kenzi said, then turned to open the door and began running away from the building.


End file.
